Can I Ever Forgive Myself for the Damage I Have Done

Often when we see couples affected by an affair, it is the person who had the affair who has the hardest time with forgiveness.

Smart people do dumb, inconsiderate and painful things to another person and affairs have ways of luring even the smartest people into acting in ways that they never thought were possible.

When people get their normal thinking ability back, they often wonder how they could have made the choices and decisions that they did and find it hard to forgive themselves for acting so irrationally and destructively to their marriage and their spouse.

This may not be the first emotion to surface. Sometimes it is much later in the process as those who have affairs may spend a lot of energy defending their actions and blaming their spouse for the affair. Nevertheless, when they really work hard on themselves and their marriage, then reality settles in and the effect that their behavior has had on their spouse becomes more prevalent.

Can I Ever Forgive My Spouse?

Your spouse may have a harder time forgiving himself or herself than you do forgiving your partner.

Unless your partner is someone who has had serial affairs, the guilt usually catches up with them. It is our experience that when someone really gets to the place of understanding and accepting the fact that they have had an affair, they often feel shame and embarrassment.

It is easier to forgive a betraying spouse when he or she has accepted full responsibility for the affair and worked on ways to make amends and build trust. Even if that never happens, however, many find that they truly forgive for themselves and their own mental health.

If you would like to find a way to forgive your partner, we can help you through that process through in person or online counseling or coaching.

Contact us at CounselingRelationshipsOnline.com or CouplesCounselingofLouisville.com.