How can my spouse end contact with the affair partner when they work together?
It is hard to have a clean break from an affair partner when there is continued contact. If the affair partner was a co-worker, we often recommend that those who have affairs, consider looking for another job or ask for a transfer to another unit or shift.
There are times when that is not possible, especially in today’s economy when jobs are often hard to get. If that is the case we recommend a few ways to build trust when there may be contact.
1. Avoid any contact possible. Be clear with the affair partner, with the spouse’s knowledge, that you are purposely avoiding them and will not engage in any conversation that is not crucial for the job.
2. If there is or will be any contact, immediately let your spouse know. Share any details requested about the nature of the contact. The trust has to be rebuilt. Secrets do not help rebuild trust. Leaving things out constitute a secret.
3. Consider an accountability partner at work. This can be someone who has been informed about the affair, is trusted by both spouses, and is willing to answer questions from the hurt partner about any contact between their spouse and the affairee.
4. Be open about any email, phone or other contact. If possible, make calls in front of the spouse and copy him or her on any email.
We would be interested in any ideas or suggestions that you might have about how to build trust when affair partners continue to work together.
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