3. Don’t let hurts or disappointments build. Talk openly about what you want and need from your partner.
Holding on to things that bother you can only build up and cause unhappiness in your marriage. This provides fertile ground for noticing others, especially those who might be available or interested in listening to your complaints.
Be open with your partner in calm, direct and loving ways. Present your concerns in ways that allow for discussion and problem-solving.
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Monday, September 26, 2011
Tip of the Week
Even though you are hurt, angry, suspicious, continue to be positive and loving.
Repair, repair, repair … any damage to your relationship while having a disagreement. Winning the argument is much less important than maintaining the friendship. Look for ways to let your partner know that you love him or her, even if you disagree with them. Find ways to use humor, loving comments and positivity while having an argument or disagreeing.
Repair, repair, repair … any damage to your relationship while having a disagreement. Winning the argument is much less important than maintaining the friendship. Look for ways to let your partner know that you love him or her, even if you disagree with them. Find ways to use humor, loving comments and positivity while having an argument or disagreeing.
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Affair-Proof Your Marriage, Suggestion # 2
2. Limit your contact with people that you might find attractive.
We are all capable of becoming attracted to many different people. There are a lot of nice, interesting and attractive people in this world!
If you find someone of the opposite sex that might fit that description, steer clear unless your spouse is around. If this person might be a co-worker or someone that you might see on your own, limit your contact to work or professional conversations. Be very careful about sharing personal stories or information.
It is amazingly easy for a simple friendship to develop into something much more important.
We are all capable of becoming attracted to many different people. There are a lot of nice, interesting and attractive people in this world!
If you find someone of the opposite sex that might fit that description, steer clear unless your spouse is around. If this person might be a co-worker or someone that you might see on your own, limit your contact to work or professional conversations. Be very careful about sharing personal stories or information.
It is amazingly easy for a simple friendship to develop into something much more important.
Sunday, September 4, 2011
Tip of the Week
Try not to spend too much time thinking about how hurt you are and how wrong that all of this has been. Focus instead, more on yourself and what you need to do to get to a good place in your life.
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Affair-Proof Your Marriage
There are many ways that faithful couples go about affair-proofing their marriage. In the next few blog entries, we will discuss some of them. We would be interested in your ideas as well. Please share them here with us.
What have you learned about making marriages work? What do you know that you want to do even more to make sure that an affair never happens in your marriage … or never happens again.
1. Start with the attitude of being certain that you will not stray.
Begin with the belief that you will guard against any relationship with another person that could lead to an affair, either an emotional one or a sexual affair.
Recognize that there are many people who are attractive and might be quite attractive to or attracted by you. That is human nature.
In order to affair-proof your marriage, shake hands with this idea but also make sure that the door is not open to exploring or taking it any further than noticing it … because you KNOW that you will not follow up on any thing outside of your marriage.
What have you learned about making marriages work? What do you know that you want to do even more to make sure that an affair never happens in your marriage … or never happens again.
1. Start with the attitude of being certain that you will not stray.
Begin with the belief that you will guard against any relationship with another person that could lead to an affair, either an emotional one or a sexual affair.
Recognize that there are many people who are attractive and might be quite attractive to or attracted by you. That is human nature.
In order to affair-proof your marriage, shake hands with this idea but also make sure that the door is not open to exploring or taking it any further than noticing it … because you KNOW that you will not follow up on any thing outside of your marriage.
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Can You Be In Love With More Than One Person?
Yes, you can. That old song “Torn Between Two Lovers” may seem smarmy; however, it also can be very real.
The love that you feel for each person may be different. No love “feels” as good as new an secretive love. Your brain chemistry changes and produces feelings of near euphoria.
Affairs can feel like real love. They may or may not be real love. Long-term love can also be very real and feel stable and secure.
We would be interested in hearing your thoughts and experiences about being in love with two people at the same time.
Interested in reading more of our articles about affairs? Click here to check out our website, Healing-from-Affairs.com.
The love that you feel for each person may be different. No love “feels” as good as new an secretive love. Your brain chemistry changes and produces feelings of near euphoria.
Affairs can feel like real love. They may or may not be real love. Long-term love can also be very real and feel stable and secure.
We would be interested in hearing your thoughts and experiences about being in love with two people at the same time.
Interested in reading more of our articles about affairs? Click here to check out our website, Healing-from-Affairs.com.
Friday, July 15, 2011
How Can My Spouse End Contact with the Affair Partner When They Work Together?
How can my spouse end contact with the affair partner when they work together?
It is hard to have a clean break from an affair partner when there is continued contact. If the affair partner was a co-worker, we often recommend that those who have affairs, consider looking for another job or ask for a transfer to another unit or shift.
There are times when that is not possible, especially in today’s economy when jobs are often hard to get. If that is the case we recommend a few ways to build trust when there may be contact.
1. Avoid any contact possible. Be clear with the affair partner, with the spouse’s knowledge, that you are purposely avoiding them and will not engage in any conversation that is not crucial for the job.
2. If there is or will be any contact, immediately let your spouse know. Share any details requested about the nature of the contact. The trust has to be rebuilt. Secrets do not help rebuild trust. Leaving things out constitute a secret.
3. Consider an accountability partner at work. This can be someone who has been informed about the affair, is trusted by both spouses, and is willing to answer questions from the hurt partner about any contact between their spouse and the affairee.
4. Be open about any email, phone or other contact. If possible, make calls in front of the spouse and copy him or her on any email.
We would be interested in any ideas or suggestions that you might have about how to build trust when affair partners continue to work together.
Want a personal consultation about your relationship? We provide counseling live and online. Click here to find out more from our website, Counseling Relationships Online.
It is hard to have a clean break from an affair partner when there is continued contact. If the affair partner was a co-worker, we often recommend that those who have affairs, consider looking for another job or ask for a transfer to another unit or shift.
There are times when that is not possible, especially in today’s economy when jobs are often hard to get. If that is the case we recommend a few ways to build trust when there may be contact.
1. Avoid any contact possible. Be clear with the affair partner, with the spouse’s knowledge, that you are purposely avoiding them and will not engage in any conversation that is not crucial for the job.
2. If there is or will be any contact, immediately let your spouse know. Share any details requested about the nature of the contact. The trust has to be rebuilt. Secrets do not help rebuild trust. Leaving things out constitute a secret.
3. Consider an accountability partner at work. This can be someone who has been informed about the affair, is trusted by both spouses, and is willing to answer questions from the hurt partner about any contact between their spouse and the affairee.
4. Be open about any email, phone or other contact. If possible, make calls in front of the spouse and copy him or her on any email.
We would be interested in any ideas or suggestions that you might have about how to build trust when affair partners continue to work together.
Want a personal consultation about your relationship? We provide counseling live and online. Click here to find out more from our website, Counseling Relationships Online.
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