Most therapists who are working with couples who have experienced infidelity will push the unfaithful party to be transparent with their behavior until trust has been redeveloped.
While to the “offending” party, this may very well seem intrusive and overwhelming, to the relationship it is crucial. It says to the hurt partner that “my life is an open book” and I will tell you everything that you want and need to know.
How to be transparent when healing an affair is best left up to the one who has had the affair as an effort to build trust. When the hurt partner is asking or checking, it is destructive for both and for the relationship.
Transparency means opening up cell phones and email, refraining from deleting any messages and sharing any chance or intended meetings with the affair partner. It means sharing agendas and plans and keeping the spouse informed of daily activities. It certainly can feel a burden; and yet, it is so crucial to building trust.
